Posted in Comedy, Horror, Mystery, Nickels and Dimes, Serial, Technical Support, Weirdness

It’s only Thursday Part 6

“This is the new extra help from the BIA. His name is Frank Nickels,” Phil painfully introduced him.

“Nice to meet you, my name is Gertrude Albatross. I manage the Business around here,” she said with a very polite smile and demeanor.

Frank was shocked by the brutal display, but he went along with the charade because he had a mission and still no leads so he said, “Nice to meet you too.” He partially smiled and stayed far away from her.

She focused her scowl back on Phil and said, “My computer is infected with a virus Phil, and you know why.” She picked up an old wooden chair that was close to a table. She then smashed it on him and it broke in two. He fell to the floor reeling in pain, then started to crawl over to where Frank was standing.

Old Wooden Chair.

“I’m sorry mam I need to make a phone call,” Frank said quickly with concern and tried to make his way out of the room. Phil grabbed his leg and he couldn’t move. Gertrude walked over to his desk, picked up the phone, and dialed a tree digit extension.

“Yeah, he’s here, right now. I’m standing here looking at him. Make sure Donnie knows where he is.” She hung up, then graced Frank with a sinister smirk and a devious giggle.

In what seemed like an instant, two more sets of knocks came battering on the door. She walked over and opened it. Two gorgeous twenty something year old women in business attire barged in aggressively. One seemed to be a mixture of African and Native American. The other looked fully Native American and they both had dark brown skin and hair.

They looked at Frank and said, “Who are you?”

Phil stumbled up onto his feet, laboriously limped over and patted Frank on his back then grumbled, “This is the new extra help from the BIA, Frank.”

Both girls looked at Frank, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you.”

This seemed familiar. Frank just said, “Likewise.” Then as one girl walked over to Phil, Frank backed away and got closer to the back wall. With massive speed and technique she Muay Thai kicked Phil in his mid section. Phil launched off the floor a little and hit some shelves close to the dark corner. Some items fell off some shelves and seemed to disappear. The other girl came over to him while he was lying on the floor gasping for air, grabbed him by his brownish hair, and pulled him back to his feet. Phil screamed in agony. Frank thought he saw some hair come out too. She then pushed him face up, against one of the walls. Gertrude came over and held him there while the other two started to take his pants off.

“I’m very sorry everyone, but I have to go now,” Frank said while making his way to the door.

As he was carefully walking over, Gertrude said, “We’re sorry too,” then while the other girls were removing Phil’s shirt, Gertrude squatted down, and with both hands firmly grasped Phil’s whole naked buttocks and brought her face so close to it that her nose gently rubbed against his inner left cheek. She paused for a brief moment and slowly closed her eyelids,…then she ferociously bit Phil on his right ass cheek so hard that it started to bleed. After she dismounted her teeth leaving deep impressions, she spat some blood to the side and she slapped the wound hard with her right palm. Once again Phil’s cries could be heard in the hallways and the unwitting audience reacted with gasps and giggles that floated by the door.

Cartoon Fish with a huge chunk of its behind bitten out.

Phil cried out,”Please don’t leave Frank!”

A young male student walking by on the other side of the wall yelled, “Franks and Beans. Yeah!” then a barrage of laughs floated by again.

Frank finally got to the door and started to turn the knob and then the door pushed open from someone else. It was the guard shack man, Rhatha Khan.

The girls found some rope and tied Phil’s wrists and ankles together and then gagged his mouth.

Then the Rhatha said, “Where’s Donnie?”

“Who’s Donnie?” Frank said with awkwardness, angst, and fear.

Frank couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. However, his team watch also had a silent walkie-talkie feature that he turned on at the beginning of all this so Tony could hear everything.

Gertrude said, “He’s on his way.”

Frank tried once more to leave, but this time right before he went for the door knob, it opened on its own from someone with a key. After the door opened Frank expected some tall strange person to enter, but he noticed it wasn’t a human at all. It was an Orangeish Orangutan wearing a red diesel trucker MAGA cap with some kind of electronics resembling a Raspberry Pi unit attached to it in the back. He had a blue t-shirt on that said, ‘I’m back because I am a perfect physical specimen and I’m extremely young!’ on the front and ‘Keep America Great 2020’ on the back. This beast had a large red cricket paddle in his hand that seemed to have a thick wire wrapped around it and electrified by some small hand crank generator built into to the paddle.

Red MAGA Baseball Cap with stars inside of the "A" Letters.

As it started to wobble over to Phil, another very large nasty fart was heard. Except this time the sound came from the ventilation duct close to the ceiling. Frank looked up into one of the screens and for just a brief moment he could swear he saw a pair of green eyes. While the two native girls were holding Phil against the wall and Donnie got closer, Gertrude starting going through Phil’s files looking for something.

Donnie the Orange Orangutan Standing upright and walking.

She found nothing, got very angry, and smashed her fist on his table making a loud noise. Donnie immediately turned to Gertrude to see what the commotion was. At that moment a loud bang on one of the walls was made from a teacher whose classroom was next door.

He yelled, “Keep it down in there I’m trying to teach a Math class here.”

Gertrude walked back over to a naked and tied up Phil who was being intermittently slapped on the ass by two of the female HIHS staff. Phil mumble screamed and wiggled while reacting with pain to every slap, especially on the bite marks. Gertrude then helped Donnie get into the best position to beat their captured victim.

Red Handled Cricket Bat.

In a brief moment of mercy, when the girls paused to allow Donnie to get closer, Phil’s tear filled and bloodshot eyes widened as he glanced at his calendar that was hanging on the wall. He rubbed his face on the wall, moving up and down, and eventually un-gagging himself he yelled, “It’s not Friday!”

“It’s not Friday? You better not be lying Phil!” Gertrude said as she looked at the calendar on the wall.

Her eyelids went from opening widely of revelation to the mid level look of disappointment. Then she sadly put her head down with a frown, walked toward the door, and left.

“It’s not Friday.” the Black Native girl said as she was about to give another spanking to Phil’s right cheek.

“That’s right…it’s not Friday,” the other Native girl said as she looked in the air thinking.

“It’s not Friday?” Rhatha asked with a look of confusion and disappointment.

He then said something quickly in Hindi, gave Frank a pissed off look, and he coached Donnie toward the door.

They all left and went back to wherever they came from. Frank gave Phil his clothes, and helped him get untied.

With exhaustion in his voice Phil said, “Thanks. Maybe we should call it a week. Don’t worry about coming in tomorrow. Just be here at eight o’clock on Monday.”

Frank asked him, “What the hell was that all about?”

As he started putting his clothes back on and breathing deeply he said, “It’s only Thursday.”

When he finally made it to the door he thought to himself, wow, this is just the beginning. If this is what Fridays are supposed to be, then what the hell will Mondays be like?


Certitude belongs exclusively to those who only own one encyclopedia.

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